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Fly on the Wall

A few simple choices can create real change

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My boyfriend called me a bully last Summer, and I wondered what drugs he was on. I’m one of the kindest people I know. Truly.

Fast forward 7 months, and I can notice what he sees, minus his been-hurt-many-times filter. Not because he’s right but because I can step into his shoes. I embrace change — even the tough stuff. It can take time for me to get to a place where I tackle it, but I always get there.

One of the qualities that helps me with change is an open mind. It’s that simple.

You cannot change if…


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When I was 24 years old, my boyfriend of only a few months, a quiet and introverted personal trainer, screamed at me for suggesting an alternative driving route. It was a learning experience.

A week later, I broke it off. I couldn’t shake the visceral feelings I had. He had turned me into someone from his past. Someone that once created feelings of hurt and anger for him.

When it comes to relationships, much of the advice says, stick it out and communicate your way through.

But for me, there is one good reason not to.

The man I’ve been…


iStock Photos by Getty Images | TomFoldes

The other night my daughter threw me under the bus. She told my boyfriend I have bad morning breath. Just blurted it out for no reason.

It was kinda funny because I’m the person in the family that brushes my teeth right after I wake up, so I don’t offend anyone. My children do not, and their foul warm air wafts over my face as we snuggle in bed every Sunday morning.

So I did what any good Mom would do. Retaliate.

I reminded her of the putrid smells that come from the toilet when she makes a deposit. Then…


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I have always focused on being the parent that comes from a place of empathy. I see my children as people, as unique and entirely separate to me. Turning my kids into me has never been the goal.

So it came as a shock when my tween daughter shut me down. I didn’t see myself as the kind of parent to make a kid disconnect.

We were walking home from school, and she launched into a story about her best friend, who was acting weird. I listened intently and then asked a few questions. A minute later, she put a…


iStock Photos | Alexmia

My boss said something this week that reeked of interference from a well-meaning person. She said, ‘I really need to learn to focus on one thing at a time’. I had walked into the shop about 30 minutes earlier, at the start of my shift, buckets of flowers freshly purchased from the morning markets were scattered here and there and freshly made floral bouquets were taking over every surface of our work area. It was clear she was juggling a busy day ahead, and it was barely 8am.

Where did she get this idea, that to be successful, you must focus on one thing at a time?

…I would suggest from someone who has perhaps rejected their own creativity.


Mother and daughter sit on the bed, the girl’s head leaned against her mom
iStock by Getty Images | fizkes

This morning my daughter yelled at me saying she had to be at school for 8am and told me last night. It was a lie.

I was perplexed why she was behaving this way in front of her Dad, who’d driven over to take them to breakfast before school because I leave for work at 7:30am.

He tried to come to my defence, ‘Don’t speak like that to your…’ but I stopped him. It’s okay, I said.

He and I have different ways of relating to our children. …


iStock by Getty Images | Zinkevych

My daughter has spent the last eight weeks doing errands around the house to save up for a desk. She wants to feel grown-up, because at age 11, this comes in the form of a private study area. She’s been fantasising about her desk — and kid stationery of all things. So when restrictions here in Australia lifted, I went online to click-and-collect.

But on Sunday morning, we ended up in line to enter Ikea, 1.5 meters apart. The ability to collect was not available for the weekend and I did’nt want April to have to wait a whole week…


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When I was 27-years-old, I asked my mother a question that had been percolating for years. It was hard to ask. Part of me was afraid of the answer. She’d just flown across the country to spend her 60th birthday with me in Vancouver. So I gave her time to settle into my downtown condo.

As we sat on my new Ikea couch, a few days into her stay, overlooking floor to ceiling windows with a view of the local mountains, I eased my way in. I made her a tea and raised something about my childhood, and the particular…


iStock by Getty Images | Andrii Zastrozhnov

What is it to be a deep thinker? Many thoughts swirl around in our minds, yet little comes out our mouths before we’re ready to share. But do we need to think our way through our problems too, or is there another way that can give us more freedom?

Many years ago, I had an interaction with someone that helped me to understand that the conscious mind has a job to do, but that job is not to be in charge. Nowadays, I would reject anyone pushing a one-size-fits-all approach to life, but back then it made sense for me.


iStock by Getty Images | gguy44

My mind has this really annoying habit. It likes to show me all the things I should be saying to someone at 4am. Angry things. Hurt things. Disappointing things. And it’s been happening a lot this year.

Happiness never wakes me in the middle of the night. It’s only ever fear or anger, letting me know I’ve missed something important. My mind keeps nudging me because my emotions are trying to protect me - that’s their job.

First, let’s look at how I address problems.

There’s often a build, and I don’t always act immediately. Mindfulness helps me observe where my thoughts are taking me, and what emotions…

Fly on the Wall

Writing about creativity and relationships; two aspects of Life that most affect our happiness.

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